I would just like to say

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Well our day suddenly went very sad:(:(:(
The lovely dog grooming lady told us that she lost her partner 6 weeks ago.:(:(:(
He was only 33 odd FFS.
They aren't completey sure but prolly an aneurism.
As she was his partner and not his wife things are complex especially as they have an 11 yr old lad. He had no family apart from 2 half-brothers.
We've known her for donkey's years, so long 3 hourish convo while I held the dogs as she groomed them, etc.
(W still in bed):rolleyes::(
Feel so sorry for her.
Life can be such a sh!t sometimes. :(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:
 
Stanleysteamer said:
Well our day suddenly went very sad:(:(:(
The lovely dog grooming lady told us that she lost her partner 6 weeks ago.:(:(:(
He was only 33 odd FFS.
They aren't completey sure but prolly an aneurism.
As she was his partner and not his wife things are complex especially as they have an 11 yr old lad. He had no family apart from 2 half-brothers.
We've known her for donkey's years, so long 3 hourish convo while I held the dogs as she groomed them, etc.
(W still in bed):rolleyes::(
Feel so sorry for her.
Life can be such a sh!t sometimes. :(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:
Click to expand...
That is really sad, 33 is no age at all :(
 
My Old Landy said:
That is really sad, 33 is no age at all :(
Click to expand...
It really is, has knocked us for 6.
She obvs has a lot of decisions to make, and battles to fight. :rolleyes:
Things they were both doing so they could all enjoy them as a family, like the Transit van they bought and were halfway through converting so they could use it as a camper. She knows her son would like to her carry on with it, at least she has friends who will help her do that.
But the car finance company is already after her as the car she uses for work was bought for her by her partner and although she was paying half of the payments they were coming out of his bank so the finance company want the car back or a lump sum of £8K, on a car that is only worth about £5k now. She could make the payments but they won't let her do that. :mad::mad::mad:
And she is not his next of kin, her son is, or would be except he is not old enough.
All this cr@p that happens when you are partners and not husb and wife.
As he was a roofer it would have made sense to have made better provision, it being such a dodgy game, but who thinks like that at that age? (an ex-colleague of mine had a husband who was a roofer who fell to his death off a ladder.:eek::eek::eek::eek:)
And she is SUCH a lovely, kind, calm lady.
So sad. Can't stop thinking about it.:(:(:(
 
Stanleysteamer said:
It really is, has knocked us for 6.
She obvs has a lot of decisions to make, and battles to fight. :rolleyes:
Things they were both doing so they could all enjoy them as a family, like the Transit van they bought and were halfway through converting so they could use it as a camper. She knows her son would like to her carry on with it, at least she has friends who will help her do that.
But the car finance company is already after her as the car she uses for work was bought for her by her partner and although she was paying half of the payments they were coming out of his bank so the finance company want the car back or a lump sum of £8K, on a car that is only worth about £5k now. She could make the payments but they won't let her do that. :mad::mad::mad:
And she is not his next of kin, her son is, or would be except he is not old enough.
All this cr@p that happens when you are partners and not husb and wife.
As he was a roofer it would have made sense to have made better provision, it being such a dodgy game, but who thinks like that at that age? (an ex-colleague of mine had a husband who was a roofer who fell to his death off a ladder.:eek::eek::eek::eek:)
And she is SUCH a lovely, kind, calm lady.
So sad. Can't stop thinking about it.:(:(:(
Click to expand...
:(:(:(
 
DanClarke said:
Quite so! I am of the "your life, your problem, you sort it" persuasion, but his Mummy loves him and he just makes end-runs around me to her.
It causes no end of discord and herself always sides with her baby which makes me somewhat resentful I suppose.
I get the "what else is he supposed to do?" response to which I say "Get a life and grow the heck up." But this is apparently inflammatory and I am an uncaring person (which I am not) but us being used all the time gets right up my nose.
Click to expand...

But she doesn't really love him - she has spoilt him to the point that ultimately she is going to be responsible for a very unhappy chappy who is not going to be able to cope with life alone following the eventual demise of his 'crutches'.

It is quite upsetting to hear that this friction is causing you distress at a time when you should both be enjoying the later years of your lives. :(
 
DanClarke said:
Quite so! I am of the "your life, your problem, you sort it" persuasion, but his Mummy loves him and he just makes end-runs around me to her.
It causes no end of discord and herself always sides with her baby which makes me somewhat resentful I suppose.
I get the "what else is he supposed to do?" response to which I say "Get a life and grow the heck up." But this is apparently inflammatory and I am an uncaring person (which I am not) but us being used all the time gets right up my nose.
Click to expand...
This may sound harsh but you could ask her "What would he do if we were both away, abroad on holiday?" or worse.
When I cut the top off my finger and blood spurted over the kitchen ceiling, my wife was 45 miles away. The ambulance would take 3 hours. I had no Mum to ring up for help!
(A neigbour took me to hostible).
But it is not right that son is causing rows between Ma and Pop. :(:(:(
 
Stanleysteamer said:
Well our day suddenly went very sad:(:(:(
The lovely dog grooming lady told us that she lost her partner 6 weeks ago.:(:(:(
He was only 33 odd FFS.
They aren't completey sure but prolly an aneurism.
As she was his partner and not his wife things are complex especially as they have an 11 yr old lad. He had no family apart from 2 half-brothers.
We've known her for donkey's years, so long 3 hourish convo while I held the dogs as she groomed them, etc.
(W still in bed):rolleyes::(
Feel so sorry for her.
Life can be such a sh!t sometimes. :(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:
Click to expand...
Extremely sad. Far too young to go like that.
I feel for her and her son, they must be in bits. :(
 
DanClarke said:
Extremely sad. Far too young to go like that.
I feel for her and her son, they must be in bits. :(
Click to expand...
She is a very stoic lady but I can tell that it is becoming more hard for her. She isn't sleeping and is finding the mornings hard.
Obvs with the timing, her partner had put the tree up and the decs, that she is now battling to take down as he put up 1000 lights, in strings.
I can only try to imagine what Christmas day was like with "This is your Daddy's present to you", etc etc.
So feckin unfair.
Work is all that is keeping her sane. By pure chance I had bigged her up on Nextdoor only recently. So glad I did that as she'll need every penny.
I also gave her an extra tenner, what else can you do? W will be texting her with stuff like, "Have you told the council tax people?" Which'll save her a bit if she hasn't already done it. Her mum is a big strength to her. :(:(
 
Stanleysteamer said:
She is a very stoic lady but I can tell that it is becoming more hard for her. She isn't sleeping and is finding the mornings hard.
Obvs with the timing, her partner had put the tree up and the decs, that she is now battling to take down as he put up 1000 lights, in strings.
I can only try to imagine what Christmas day was like with "This is your Daddy's present to you", etc etc.
So feckin unfair.
Work is all that is keeping her sane. By pure chance I had bigged her up on Nextdoor only recently. So glad I did that as she'll need every penny.
I also gave her an extra tenner, what else can you do? W will be texting her with stuff like, "Have you told the council tax people?" Which'll save her a bit if she hasn't already done it. Her mum is a big strength to her. :(:(
Click to expand...

I know it's no comfort under the circumstances, but it's important to bear in mind that debt's not real. In the UK it's not like some other parts of the world where you can go to prison for debt. It's only a civil matter. If that was me, and a car finance company had refused a perfectly reasonable offer that would not leave them out of pocket in any way, and instead wanted an £8000 balloon payment for a £5000 car I wouldn't pay them a penny. If they wanted it that badly they could come and try and get it off me, and I'd make sure it cost them a lot of money to do so. Anyway, they (or any other creditor) would have great difficulty under UK law in making her responsible for a dead person's debts. On a couple of occasions I've had to sort stuff out on behalf of family members who have died, and a lot of organisations will try it on. Even supposedly reputable high street banks. You just tell them firmly but politely that they're going to have to wait 'til probate is completed. There's no legal obligation to answer the letters or the phone or answer the door to them. I know after a bereavement most people are not apt to take such a robust approach, and many organisations prey upon the fact that people's little hearts are broken and their brains aren't working properly.
 
Stanleysteamer said:
Well our day suddenly went very sad:(:(:(
The lovely dog grooming lady told us that she lost her partner 6 weeks ago.:(:(:(
He was only 33 odd FFS.
They aren't completey sure but prolly an aneurism.
As she was his partner and not his wife things are complex especially as they have an 11 yr old lad. He had no family apart from 2 half-brothers.
We've known her for donkey's years, so long 3 hourish convo while I held the dogs as she groomed them, etc.
(W still in bed):rolleyes::(
Feel so sorry for her.
Life can be such a sh!t sometimes. :(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:
Click to expand...

Omg th@ts terrible. poor wee l@d. :(:(:(
 
Brown said:
I know it's no comfort under the circumstances, but it's important to bear in mind that debt's not real. In the UK it's not like some other parts of the world where you can go to prison for debt. It's only a civil matter. If that was me, and a car finance company had refused a perfectly reasonable offer that would not leave them out of pocket in any way, and instead wanted an £8000 balloon payment for a £5000 car I wouldn't pay them a penny. If they wanted it that badly they could come and try and get it off me, and I'd make sure it cost them a lot of money to do so. Anyway, they (or any other creditor) would have great difficulty under UK law in making her responsible for a dead person's debts. On a couple of occasions I've had to sort stuff out on behalf of family members who have died, and a lot of organisations will try it on. Even supposedly reputable high street banks. You just tell them firmly but politely that they're going to have to wait 'til probate is completed. There's no legal obligation to answer the letters or the phone or answer the door to them. I know after a bereavement most people are not apt to take such a robust approach, and many organisations prey upon the fact that people's little hearts are broken and their brains aren't working properly.
Click to expand...

Yes, all of the above, you need a stoic relative or close friend to tell peeps to feck off and you'll get around to it in time ...
 
Last edited:
Dippypud said:
Yes, all of the above, you need a stoic relative of close friend to tell peeps to feck off and you'll get around to it in time ...
Click to expand...
I think that a lot of financial organisations have worked out through experience of many such cases that if they start the heavy harassment within, say, three days of a bereavement they might get some money, whereas if they leave it a few weeks then they're less successful. So guess what they're going to do? Answers on a postcard please.

It's brutal, but it's a dog eat dog world.
 
Brown said:
I think that a lot of financial organisations have worked out through experience of many such cases that if they start the heavy harassment within, say, three days of a bereavement they might get some money, whereas if they leave it a few weeks then they're less successful. So guess what they're going to do? Answers on a postcard please.

It's brutal, but it's a dog eat dog world.
Click to expand...

:(
 
Brown said:
I know it's no comfort under the circumstances, but it's important to bear in mind that debt's not real. In the UK it's not like some other parts of the world where you can go to prison for debt. It's only a civil matter. If that was me, and a car finance company had refused a perfectly reasonable offer that would not leave them out of pocket in any way, and instead wanted an £8000 balloon payment for a £5000 car I wouldn't pay them a penny. If they wanted it that badly they could come and try and get it off me, and I'd make sure it cost them a lot of money to do so. Anyway, they (or any other creditor) would have great difficulty under UK law in making her responsible for a dead person's debts. On a couple of occasions I've had to sort stuff out on behalf of family members who have died, and a lot of organisations will try it on. Even supposedly reputable high street banks. You just tell them firmly but politely that they're going to have to wait 'til probate is completed. There's no legal obligation to answer the letters or the phone or answer the door to them. I know after a bereavement most people are not apt to take such a robust approach, and many organisations prey upon the fact that people's little hearts are broken and their brains aren't working properly.
Click to expand...
she told me already that she isn't answering the phone to them!
 
What a complete Wally.. helped a friend with changing a side light bulb.. half an hour or so later.. managed to get the connector off and the bulb drops out.. yep can see it's blown and i happen to have a spare! Not the one it says on the book.. so i put the old one back on and wonder why it's not working
Muppet
 
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