If this is serious, then he has serious problems.
You say "Lad", how old is this lad, cos if he is any younger than about 60 then wtf is he doing taking them?
Truuuuly do not understand. Maybe I am lucky in that respect!
And as for taking the bus, all he had to do was carry a bag in front of him.
My ma when doctoring had to deal with a bloke who had his p**** stuck in a milk bottle. He too had to go the hospital on the bus. She asked him how he managed it, he just said that he put it in a bag and "carried" it on!!!