Hummer Vs. Land Rover

StrangeRover said:

99% of off-roading in UK is mummy parking on the pavement collecting Tarquin from 'prep'. As we have narrow pavements over here, Landrovers perform far better in such 'extreme' off-road conditions

As Britain is so much smaller than the US (but large enough for our egos, thanks ), trees pack together much tighter and 109" front-to-back seems handier than 109" between front wheels for perking/manouvering in Kew. (Although the Hummer is more than capable of simply driving over any such obstacles)

Standard Hummer(Series 1(teehee - we're long-past SI,SII,SIII etc) is exceptional for mowing down vast swathes of terrorists (innocent civilians) whereas the same effect can only be attained after several passes in a Landrover (although the far superior fuel-economy permits this).

Hummer has all the grace of a pregnant frog on a matchbox so it mirrors the Landrover here (although in using this metaphor, a 'Bluebell' or 'Swan Vestas' box fits our needs rather than a "Cook's matches industrial-sized catering pack").

As standard, the Hummer is slow, gutless and weedy. (Check out Arnie's twin-turbo - it rocks!) but in comparison the standard Landrover is slow, gutless and weedy.

Landrover can be armoured to withstand an attack from an anti-tank-weapon but AFAICT the Hummer IS an anti-tank-weapon.

I have seen several Landrovers modified with the 6.5 GMC V8 diesels (fitted to Hummers) but have yet to see a retro-fit 2.25 in a Hummer - highlighting the Landrover's vastly superior modification potential

A competition Landrover can be tipped over on its side for major works/repairs. A Hummer tipped over on its side requires a large crane, a crew of 15 and three weeks simply to be put back on its wheels.

I have to admit I've seen some Hummers doing some pretty extreme off-roading. But nothing worse than I've seen Landrovers going through (And at least at the end of the day, you can still park your Landrover in your Barratt's house garage)

You can generally fit more shopping in a Hummer.

Most Landrovers (competition ones included) have the steering wheel on the correct side so you do not have to entrust driving to the passenger (although your average Hummer front bench seat will accomodate two average Americans whereas the Landrover will accomodate three Brits (NB- a tight squeeze in both cases)) (see also relative sizes of "rear-view mirrors") - so Landrovers have more potential for the number involved in driving too (one for the pedals and turny-thing, one for the sticky-speedy thing (Americans seem to have forseen this potential problem and invented "The automatic")).

All Landrovers have a turning circle comparable to the QEII. America had to invade Iraq not for oil, but to allow a Hummer in Kuwait to perform a three-point turn.

Some competition Landrovers (triallers mainly) have 'fiddle' brakes. Hummers require 'double-bass' brakes.

Engine noise in a competition Landrover may be extremely intrusive. Engine noise in a Hummer may be heard several days later.

A Landrover soft-top could never be used to hide Chile. And the "hood sticks" would be no use for repairing The Forth Rail Bridge.

On a less serious note, everyone should google at least once for a laugh - try f**kwit (with "U" and "C" inserted in the appropriate places) in the search box and see what google's first 'hit' is....

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tacr2man said:

Why didnt they all just take it up the dirt track ?

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The Mad Hat Man said:

pity the stupid bastard flew home with the keys in his pocket!

leavin the crew stranded at the top of the mountain.

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The Mad Hat Man said:

he is is still a pratt! Good presenter and front-man - but aint particularly knowledgeable about cars.

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Tatooboo said:

Sorry to say this but to me a Hummer of any description is a PENIS extension...and not just that all the ones that are driven over here( In Spain) seem to be owned by French tourists whom struggle to drive a Peugeot 200 series let alone a road legal tank...mind you saying that a least they then really dont give a F*** what they hit anyway so they just as well do it in something that aint going to get hurt..

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Sean said:

yer but not in the same pratt league as say Boris Johnson

the beeb looks to be doing a utube having heaps of climps on it, if yer go BBC - Top Gear - Homepage click the watch video link and eventually "challenges" it's called disco up a mountain

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redhand said:

Aye what they don't tell you about is the helicopter that lifted clarkson off the mountain while he left the other guys to drive it back down. Unfortunately Clarkson took the keys with him and the helicopter pilot had to go back and drop the keys off.

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