It gets switched to negative. Modern cars do that, the circuit is live and you connect the negative to complete the circuit.
You, on the other hand, sound like you are switching live (+) although it's difficult to tell as your flow of information isn't...
That sounded like the problem to me. I had that challenge putting spotlights on my td5. On more modern vehicles (like the td5) the factory switches are all on the negative side of the circuit. On an earlier defender as the OP has will be on the positive side. It sounds like
@_Stingrey_ is trying to use a prebuilt wiring loom that came with the spotlights. This may not be suitable for a vehicle of this age.
Wiring in additional spotlights is very easy but tying to work from the description give and the part built kit loom is muddying the waters.
@_Stingrey_ can you give the brand of loom you are using or any instructions that came with the kit? Post some mor photos, where and how on the vehicle have you connected the yellow feed to the main beam circuit?
It depends what OP wants for how complex the dash switch needs to be, but in simple terms as above by
@mystery, all you need is:
fused power to the relay pin 30,
earth to relay pin 85,
spotlight power feed to relay pin 87 (earthed after the spotlights)
switched main beam feed to relay pin 86
It is the switched main beam feed to relay pin 86 that you can make more complex:
you can have a main beam feed going straight to the relay. this means you cannot switch the spot lights off independently and may fail the mot
you can have a simple on/off switch with a main beam feed into one side and the relay feed to pin 86 to the other. this allows the spot light to be switched off or come on with main beam controlled by the on/off switch.
you can have a three way switch (my preferred) on/off/on with a main beam feed into the switch, a fused permanent live into the switch and the the relay feed to pin 86 to the remaining terminal. this give and on with the switch, on with main beam and off options.