NJW5007
Well-Known Member
- Posts
- 111
This may seem somewhat strange diagnosis, but i am beginning to suspect that my Range Rover L322 is suffering from a form of dementia.
This is because of the other day. I had just driven to a well known outlet who I can not name but who's name rhymes with " Frewscrix". Any way, we had just driven to said establishment and I had locked the car, gone inside and collected my order.
I came out again, unlocked the car without issue and got in to place my keys in the ignition.
The following conversation did not actually happening, that would be mad, but it was implied.
I switched the ignition on and turned the key to the starting position.
"Start "
"NO."
"Eh."
"No."
"Start now please."
"No"
"Please"
"NO"
Remove the keys, reinsert and...
"Start now.. PLEASE."
"No"
"Why wont you start now"
So I remove the keys, lock and unlock the doors and...
" Now start please"
"No"
"Oh for f....WHY!!!"
"Who are you, I don't know who you are, I'm not starting for anybody you know"
" But you know me, I am your owner!"
"So you say"
"I have owned you for 6 months, I have spent a fortune money on you"
"I don't know you, I am sure my owner is around her somewhere, he won't like you sitting in here when he gets back"
"But I am your owner. Look I have your keys"
I removed the keys and rattled them in the approximate area where perhaps the car could see them.
" You could have got them from anywhere."
"Stop messing about and START"
"Shan't"
So I got out of the car, locked the door, counted to 30, unlocked the car again and got in.
" Hello, would you please start, please"
"No. I'm not stupid you know, You are the one that is trying to steal me"
" You f.... "
"My owners is going to smash your face in when he gets back"
So at this point I opened the bonnet, checked the battery terminals, tap a few relays, checked the earth terminals, before getting back into the car.
"Now you can start please"
"NO! Do you really think I was born yesterday. I am waiting for my owner who is going to mess you up when I tell him"
So I took the keys out again, got out the car and locked it up.
I then walked down the road, around the corner of a building so that I was "out of sight" of my Range Rover. I then walked out from behind the building towards my car at a brisk, confident, gait, unlocked the car and got in.
"Hello Range, sorry I have been too long"
Inserted the key and turned.
" Let's go home then shall we"
" Hello dear owner Where have you been, I was getting worried "
"Start please if you be so kind"
"Okay, of course"
Vroom! and the reassuring beautiful sound of the big V8 sprang into life.
"Thank you"
"S'alright. You know I think someone was trying to steal me, but I stopped them. Can we go home now? He even had our keys"
This is because of the other day. I had just driven to a well known outlet who I can not name but who's name rhymes with " Frewscrix". Any way, we had just driven to said establishment and I had locked the car, gone inside and collected my order.
I came out again, unlocked the car without issue and got in to place my keys in the ignition.
The following conversation did not actually happening, that would be mad, but it was implied.
I switched the ignition on and turned the key to the starting position.
"Start "
"NO."
"Eh."
"No."
"Start now please."
"No"
"Please"
"NO"
Remove the keys, reinsert and...
"Start now.. PLEASE."
"No"
"Why wont you start now"
So I remove the keys, lock and unlock the doors and...
" Now start please"
"No"
"Oh for f....WHY!!!"
"Who are you, I don't know who you are, I'm not starting for anybody you know"
" But you know me, I am your owner!"
"So you say"
"I have owned you for 6 months, I have spent a fortune money on you"
"I don't know you, I am sure my owner is around her somewhere, he won't like you sitting in here when he gets back"
"But I am your owner. Look I have your keys"
I removed the keys and rattled them in the approximate area where perhaps the car could see them.
" You could have got them from anywhere."
"Stop messing about and START"
"Shan't"
So I got out of the car, locked the door, counted to 30, unlocked the car again and got in.
" Hello, would you please start, please"
"No. I'm not stupid you know, You are the one that is trying to steal me"
" You f.... "
"My owners is going to smash your face in when he gets back"
So at this point I opened the bonnet, checked the battery terminals, tap a few relays, checked the earth terminals, before getting back into the car.
"Now you can start please"
"NO! Do you really think I was born yesterday. I am waiting for my owner who is going to mess you up when I tell him"
So I took the keys out again, got out the car and locked it up.
I then walked down the road, around the corner of a building so that I was "out of sight" of my Range Rover. I then walked out from behind the building towards my car at a brisk, confident, gait, unlocked the car and got in.
"Hello Range, sorry I have been too long"
Inserted the key and turned.
" Let's go home then shall we"
" Hello dear owner Where have you been, I was getting worried "
"Start please if you be so kind"
"Okay, of course"
Vroom! and the reassuring beautiful sound of the big V8 sprang into life.
"Thank you"
"S'alright. You know I think someone was trying to steal me, but I stopped them. Can we go home now? He even had our keys"
