Hello all - new to this forum, but not forums...

[Andy Reid]

Hi all,

New today to the forum. I've a 2002, v8, 4.4 petrol L322 which I love to drive, but I fear is a money pit hence the help needed... hoping this community of like minds can help. I'm a regular member of the lotus forums as I've an '84 Esprit - which runs a beaut at present - unlike the Range Rover. cheers in advance. Andy

 

[Alan Crossley]

Welcome to the land of Looneyzone Andy. Good to hear someone from the Wnndsor area. I use to live in a small place called Winkfield Row Nr Windsor. My next door neighbor drove a RR, name of Billy Connolly. Only ever saw him once. I'm certain that if you hang around for a while some smart fella will post an educated response to your question

 

[Andy Reid]

Thanks indeed and yes I know Winkfield Row.

Hoping wisdom lives in the hamlets... all that expensive education though. People can write good essays on economics and the merits of engineering but can they actually DO anything?

for the muses.

Cheers, Alan.





Sent enthusiastically from my phone. How very generation now.

 

[Mulcaster1]

Welcome to the arena. - you will need to develop a thick skin quickly on here mate, lots of great advise is also available
So straight to it - let's look at the facts
1. Your a posh boy - coming from Windsor
2. You are currently or have recently retired from an hairdressing job as you own a Lotus!
Great to here from you though

 

[Mulcaster1]

Welcome to the land of Looneyzone Andy. Good to hear someone from the Wnndsor area. I use to live in a small place called Winkfield Row Nr Windsor. My next door neighbor drove a RR, name of Billy Connolly. Only ever saw him once. I'm certain that if you hang around for a while some smart fella will post an educated response to your question

Name dropping I see!

 

[Andy Reid]

my skin is pretty thick - you should see the souls of my feet.
I was born in Essex, not Windsor - although I've probably just made it worse.
the lotus has four moving parts - wheels, pistons, gears and the handbrake lever; there are no electrics to go wrong.
my beloved L322 is like wrestling a Darlek. surely I'm missing something obvious.
thanks for the warm welcome

 

[Mulcaster1]

my skin is pretty thick - you should see the souls of my feet.
I was born in Essex, not Windsor - although I've probably just made it worse.
the lotus has four moving parts - wheels, pistons, gears and the handbrake lever; there are no electrics to go wrong.
my beloved L322 is like wrestling a Darlek. surely I'm missing something obvious.
thanks for the warm welcome

Don't worry, I am a milder version of some - being the national kickboxing champion ( undefeated and now retired) I had to learn to count to ten before reacting! Lol. But in all fairness these guys on here are all helpful - pity i need easyJet to make any of the meetings

 

[Alan Crossley]

Name dropping I see!

No, you can never accuse me of name dropping. I well remember, some years ago now, that Prince Charles told me that name dropping was bad form. I have never done it since then

 

[Alan Crossley]

Welcome to the arena. - you will need to develop a thick skin quickly on here mate, lots of great advise is also available
So straight to it - let's look at the facts
1. Your a posh boy - coming from Windsor
2. You are currently or have recently retired from an hairdressing job as you own a Lotus!
Great to here from you though

Bad boy Mulcaster 1 But well spotted

 

[Alan Crossley]

You might have misunderstood my last post. I'm a big fan of ex-International Kickboxing Champions . In fact, I was chatting with Tony (Conor McGregor) lest night when he came to me for some advice, Tony, I said, and then he had to go.

 

[Alan Crossley]

Bad boy Mulcaster 1 But well spotted

Sorry old chap. Just read your last post to Andy. You might have misunderstood my posting. I really like National kickboxing Champions. In fact, I was only saying to Tony (Conor Anthony McGregor) last night, when he called in for his tea. Tony, I said, don't forget to keep your hands up when ....... And, with that, he had to go to catch a flight to the US!

 

[blue beasty]

Don't worry about the L322, there is nothing wrong with it. The only way JLR could get it through manufacturers emission tests was to build in electrical gremlins that guaranteed it would spend at least half its life nearly.....But crucially not quite in a useable, roadworthy condition.

It's sometimes possible to reset the RGG (random gremlin generator) by placing a wallet stuffed with fifties close to the ignition switch, turn ignition to position 1 with drivers door open, carefully remove the wadge of fifties from the wallet and burn by the front bumper with the bonnet open a crack.

It's important the smoke drifts over the top of the engine as evenly as possible and it's recommended LR special tool FFSwtf is used to facilitate this but a piece of stiff card works just as well.

Return to the drivers seat within 2minutes and turn off ignition. Grip steering wheel firmly in the quarter to three position and forcefully headbutt the centre 3 times.

If it fails to start return ignition to 0, slam drivers door twice in quick succession and repeat steering wheel procedure.

In the unlikely event this doesn't produce the desired results uncontrollable sobbing while trying to bite your way through the dash to the engine bay sometimes helps.

The only known guaranteed cure is to completely remove the drivers seat and refit in a Series Land Rover.