Well then seeing as how you're all tucked up in bed I'll tell you the Red Land Rover story.
Once upon a time a few thousand years ago a chap called Adam was driving round in his green Defender.
Now then because God had been too busy putting the doors back on his Freelander because he'd taken it through a carwash, he hadn't got round to finishing creating the world and there weren't any hills, so Adam soon got bored and wished there were some hills to drive up and down.
Any how as Adam was driving along a boring flat bit of track in his green Defender God heard his wishes and thought that hills would be a good idea, so in a twinkling of the eye God made a hill.
It wasn't any old hill it was the biggest hill you could imagine, It was so big that Adam couldn't drive up it, so Adam being a resourcefull type of chap invented a transferbox with a lower range of gears to help him get up the hill.
This made God angry he still hadn't got the doors back on his Freelander after they fell off in a shower of rain. How could a mere mortal invent a transferbox to overcome the biggest hill you ever saw. So God in his anger created Eve.
Adam was enjoying himself so much in his green Defender driving up and down the hill God had created he didn't notice Eve. This angered God even more, so to attract Adams attention God gave Eve Breasts. Not just any breasts but breasts large enough for Adam to see from the top of his hill.
Adam, from the top of his hill caught sight of Eves marvelous breasts and thought "I've invented the transfer box and high and low gear ratios. What can I invent so I can play around on those" And so the erection came about and Adam went down to Eve to try out his erection.
Anyway five minutes later Adam had got bored of Eve and decided to go and play in his green Defender on the hill God had made. But this annoyed God even more, how could Adam cast off such a beautiful pair of breasts to go and play in his green Defender.
So God blessed Eve with the ability to break down in tears and the menstrual cycle.
Adam was totally ignorant to the wants of Eve and drove off to play on the hill God had made. So it was Eve that got upset next and she broke down in tears, so loud was her sobbing that Adam heard her and turned around and went back to her. He offered her a lift, but as passenger seats were an optional extra when he bought his green Defender and he'd spent the money on chequerplate extras, there wasn't any where for Eve to sit. So with a great amount of pushing and shoving Adam managed to get Eve, still sobbing onto the roof rack.
So with a sobbing Eve strapped between the jerry cans on the roof rack Adam set off to tackle the hill that God made.
Eve seeing the hill sobbed even more, so much that she had convulsions, which set off a vibration in Adams green Defender. Convulsions so great Eve had her first period. As Adam reached the hill that God had made, his green Defender turned red with the blood of Eve. Vibrated so much with the sobbing convulsions of Eve. That the now red Defender swore that from that day hence no red Defender shall ever ascend a hill without great vibrations.
