Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again; maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: [looks away, then back] No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: [tries fork] Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: What are your "table" settings? Have you tried reversing the position of your knife and spoon?
Patron: [makes the switch] That doesn't do anything.
Waiter: This might be a server problem. Lots of these things are server problems.
Patron: YOU'RE MY SERVER! THIS IS NOT A SERVER PROBLEM!!!
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Did you change the flavor settings? Did you alter the salt or pepper content?
Patron: No. I'm soup illiterate. I only eat it the way it comes.[sneezes]
Waiter: Have you checked it for viruses?
Patron: I got it from you.
Waiter: Yes, but have you downloaded anything else into the soup?
Patron: Just crackers.
Waiter: And where did you get the crackers?
Patron: FROM YOU! THEY CAME WITH THE SOUP!!
Waiter You did take the cellophane off first before inserting the crackers, didn't you?
Patron: YES!!
Waiter: They should be okay then. Hmmm. Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is Tomato 2001.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and hurry. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup.]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato release time had to be revised to accommodate changes to the recipe.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup! Waiter! Waiter! [sees a bus boy] Hey, you, where's my waiter?
Bus Boy: I'm sorry; all of our waiters are currently busy. They are helping other customers. The estimated time until your waiter is free is eighteen minutes.
Patron: I can't wait that long. Listen, could you just bring me a sandwich? I need to go and I can't leave without eating.
Bus Boy: Sir, I'm a bus boy. I can't take orders or carry food. You could access a sandwich on our self-service help counter.
Patron: Please, just for me. I'll give you an extra five dollars.
Bus Boy: What kind of sandwich?
Patron: Roast beef.
Bus Boy: I'll get it for you right away.
[Enter Waiter]
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, this meal has performed an illegal operation and will have to be shut down. [Glares at the bus boy, who slinks off. Confiscates the soup. Hands the patron the check.] Your check, sir.
Patron: What's this? "Soup of the Day $5.00... Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50... Access to Support $2.00 ... TOTAL: $9.50 + Tax ... Gratuity not included."
Gratuity?! I tell you, he's not getting more than a buck!
Waiter: Excuse me sir. You forgot your fly.
best ringtone? thats bollox
