I tried something similar as a student. The morning after an especially spicy vindaloo, and still feeling the effects of one too many Appletinis, I squatted over an old brown towel and attempted to quell the raging fire burning in my chocolate polo. The initial, cooling relief did not last, and...

The more folds, the harder it is to achieve precision, and if the paper is too thick, I miss feeling the scratch of my nails underneath as they glide in and out. Having said that, I'm not averse to a bit of calculated sheet stacking if the sitation demands such radical action. The number of...

Andrex is far too weak for my liking. I like to really "get up there" and give myself a deep cleanse. More than once Andrex in its various "luxury" guises has torn mid-wipe, leaving my middle finger resembling a partially melted Lion bar.

I like to think that had Jesus been alive today, he would have driven a Land Rover, (Judas would drive a blue Ford Fiesta with white flame decals, pink alloys and an expired tax disc.) I can't presume to know the mind of our Lord, but I do think, had he logged on here to discus his favourite...

Oscar?! Admit it, you knew it was Reeva behind that door!

Yeah, people do seem to have wandered a bit off topic. Although more tips/advice on autofellatio wouldn't go amiss, are there any stretches you should do to improve flexibility. Once managed a cheeky lick, but it knackered my back up and I was off work for a month. Anyway, back to the clicking...

Nice motor. Bit of a sideways swap really though. Next time, trade your wife in as well and get a better Landy.