The Glasgow Herald Disaster Appeal
As you are probably aware a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter scale struck Glasgow in the early hours. At the epicenter in
Easterhouse, victims were seen roaming around aimlessly muttering
"wheeys keeys are theese". The earthquake decimated the entire area
causing about 30 quid worth of damage. Several priceless collections of
ashtrays from the Balearics and Tenerife were damaged beyond repair.

Three historic areas of burnt out cars, some over seven years old were
disturbed. Many locals were awoken before their Giro's arrived. The
Glasgow Herald reported that hundreds of locals were confused,
bewildered and still trying to come to terms with the loss of
Ladbrokes.

One resident a Miss Sharon MacLafferty, a 15 year old mother of six
said "It was a shock to my little Chardonnay Mercedes. She came into my
room crying and put me and Winston off our stroke but my youngest two
Tyler Morgan and Brooklyn Romeo Rainbow luckily slept through it all. I
was still shaking whilst watching River City the next day".

Apparently looting, mugging and car crime did carry on as normal. The
Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of lager into the area
to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through
the rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings including
Benefit Books, jewellery by Elizabeth Duke at Argos and finest bone
china from Poundstretcher's.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothes parcels for those
caught up in the disaster. Clothing is urgently needed and amongst the
most sought after items are;

Fila or Burberry Baseball Caps
Kappa Tracksuit Tops (his and hers)
Adidas Trackie Bottoms 3/4 length,
White Socks
Rockport Boots
and anything else from the Donnay shop

Food parcels must take into consideration local tastes and should
include Micro Meals, Fried Mars Bars, Pot Noodles, Baked Beanz, Super
Noodles, Sausage Rolls and Greggs pasties for the babies. Special Brew,
Aftershock, or Thunderbird would also be gratefully received.

Every little helps. Remember:

22p buys a biro to help fill in a compensation form
£2.00 buys chips with curry and blue Panda pop for a family of nine
£5.00 buys 20 B&H and a box of Swan Vestas to calm the nerves of a
grieving ten year old.
Please don't send tents for shelter as the sight of posh accommodation
is unfair on the residents of Blackhill and Pollok.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP

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