Wasn't my fault this time! Honest guv....
Well, bulbs fine, relay fine, fuses fine. Switch had gone.
Disconnected all wires from switch, twisted all three together, insulating tape over the top. Lights on, job done, drive home.
Just gotta find a new switch from somewhere now!
Oh, and the porn in the underseat locker...I checked on it today...bit wet after last thursday's trip into the pond.