WLJayne
Well-Known Member
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Just for a laugh, things that Freelanders are allergic to:
Perpetrator A: The Clueless Yummy Mummy
This allergen is a type of parasite which slowly drains the life forces out of a Freelander. Generally the Negligent **** (see below) will buy a Yummy Mummy a Freelander so that she may cart her rancid offspring to Sainsbury's where she will park badly and her kids will get under everyone's toes. She doesn't know what oil is, why a car needs it and how much should be in there. She also believes that the fuel warning light is some form of interior decoration, and insists there is fuel in the tank when the RAC antibody arrives.
Abuse index: 6
Perpetrator B: The Spanner Monkey
The Spanner Monkey is a temporary infection, but the symptoms can be devestating. The cumulative abuse of the spanner monkey may reduce the lifespan of the car eventually leading to organ failure. The 1.8 petrol Freelander is especially vulnerable as a cheap Spanner Monkey head gasket job will almost certainly lead to chronic engine conditions and evetually death. However, being the cheapest service, other perpetrators will generally willingly infect their Freelander's with Spanner Monkey.
Abuse Index: 8
Perpetrator C: The Negligent ****
The Negligent **** is a congential condition in Freelanders, as soon as the condition expresses itself (generally during the car's youth) the damage can be irreversable. The Negligent **** is akin to the Yummy Mummy, only the disease is more viriulent as he genuinely believes he knows about cars and treats them as slaves to be subjugated. He may occasionally peak under the bonnet, but the reality of naked mechanical inards scares him, and he'll usually blame the marque when his engine eventually blows up. He will also buy the cheapest tyres available and rev the nads of the engine at all times. This disease is invariably fatal to the car.
Abuse Index: 9.
Only you can save Freelanders from these horrible conditions! Adopt one today for as little as £800 per month and you can give it a better future. Can you find it in your wallet - shorry your heart?
Feel free to pick up here I'm outa ideas
!
Perpetrator A: The Clueless Yummy Mummy
This allergen is a type of parasite which slowly drains the life forces out of a Freelander. Generally the Negligent **** (see below) will buy a Yummy Mummy a Freelander so that she may cart her rancid offspring to Sainsbury's where she will park badly and her kids will get under everyone's toes. She doesn't know what oil is, why a car needs it and how much should be in there. She also believes that the fuel warning light is some form of interior decoration, and insists there is fuel in the tank when the RAC antibody arrives.
Abuse index: 6
Perpetrator B: The Spanner Monkey
The Spanner Monkey is a temporary infection, but the symptoms can be devestating. The cumulative abuse of the spanner monkey may reduce the lifespan of the car eventually leading to organ failure. The 1.8 petrol Freelander is especially vulnerable as a cheap Spanner Monkey head gasket job will almost certainly lead to chronic engine conditions and evetually death. However, being the cheapest service, other perpetrators will generally willingly infect their Freelander's with Spanner Monkey.
Abuse Index: 8
Perpetrator C: The Negligent ****
The Negligent **** is a congential condition in Freelanders, as soon as the condition expresses itself (generally during the car's youth) the damage can be irreversable. The Negligent **** is akin to the Yummy Mummy, only the disease is more viriulent as he genuinely believes he knows about cars and treats them as slaves to be subjugated. He may occasionally peak under the bonnet, but the reality of naked mechanical inards scares him, and he'll usually blame the marque when his engine eventually blows up. He will also buy the cheapest tyres available and rev the nads of the engine at all times. This disease is invariably fatal to the car.
Abuse Index: 9.
Only you can save Freelanders from these horrible conditions! Adopt one today for as little as £800 per month and you can give it a better future. Can you find it in your wallet - shorry your heart?
Feel free to pick up here I'm outa ideas
!
